2002-02-01 | 8:41 p.m.
it seemed you could hear the whole damn city crying

So I kind of got fired today. But not exactly. It is all very strange. We had a meeting and they basically said we merged and they are closing our office and in 2-4 weeks we'll be told whether we are out full stop, or kept on but working at home, or kept on as part time consultants or offered the opportunity to relocate to Los Angeles. This just a couple of days after I decided to stay here. Sigh.

I filled out this question thing for the me part of my website (coming soon) the other night and it asked my biggest fear and I said "Freezing to death" (obviously) but I also said also "Being exactly where I am now in three years." Guess I don't have to worry about that now! At least we are employed until April 1, which gives me time to get my teeth finished while I still have this ace dental insurance. When first being told the news I was like "Oh, cool" and saw it as an exciting thing rather than a horror, but now I'm mostly thinking "Oh fuck" because I hate waiting, especially for information. I haunt people for hints about for birthday presents, you think life-changing information is going to be fun not knowing about? Grr. I want to know right now what my options are, dammit! I mean, I'm going shopping tomorrow. Do I buy things for my apartment or will I not even be there anymore. OOH! I hate not knowing. Hate it hate it.

Oh K, thank you for telling me of those mixed up songs because you know I love them. I'm drowning my sorrows or whatever in AudioGalaxy, where I am downloading (or stealing, as I happily call it) away. Why don't we steal away? Ooh, there's another one to get. For some reason, the only "You Belong to Me" I can get is the Anita Baker one, and if I wanted the Anita Baker one, I would have put in a quarter! I want "I would have put in a quarter" to take off. Once it was that we were on the Williamsburg Bridge, on our way to Canada (well, just starting our journey, obviously) and the bridge started shaking and Dollie said "If I wanted the bridge to shake, I would have put in a quarter," which, besides being hysterically funny in that context, would make a great all purpose nonsense catchphrase. "If I wanted you to stare at me I would have put in a quarter", "If I wanted to supersize it, I would have put in a quarter", etc.

Where was I? Oh yeah, not being able to get the real Carly Simon version of "You Belong to Me". I mean, don't her fans know you just misspell her name or something to trick the filters? Duh. Anyway, great songs I got include Giant's "I'll See You in My Dreams". I've been trying to remember who gave that forever, but on the ever helpful Musicspace.com, I ran into it on Monster Ballads or some such. I downloaded the whole Kidz Bop album before I realized it isn't all songs sung by kids, but FOR kids, with some kid accompaniment. Bleh. Great, I really need to listen to a Jessica Simpson impersonator. I did get some fun things, like Phantom Planet's cover of "Still Dre" and that Kylie Minogue song I didn't know was her (for shame). It is too awesome, really.

Have I mentioned how much I love Mandy Moore. Because I do.

Right this minute there is an old live performance of "Waiting For a Girl Like You" on VH1 Classics. I'm at my mom's house. Why I can't I have digital cable. Why why why?! Before on MTV2 they played "No More Drama" and I cried. I am the saddest.

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