2002-02-19 | 11:13 a.m.
we've all been in one situation or another...

He doesn't write back to me, which is kind of annoying. Another rock star, the one who I always think is harder to reach did write back though. The very next day. I think we're in a very good place with that one, it just took longer, which is funny since early on we spent a lot more time with him, but it wasn't as natural, as all-encompassing, as life-altering as it was with the other.

Sometimes I bet it seems to other people like it is so easy with the other man, but we bleed for every second of goodness, believe me. Not that he means it to be that way, it just is. I like to think that I care a lot less than I used to though, which is healthy and smart. I think he'd be proud, if he thought about it, if it were true. Maybe at first he'd be put out, but then he'd think "Good girl". His is probably the "good girl" I want when I think I want a "good girl". He's probably one of the few who'd dare to say it. Until I can find another, I'll always care more than I should. And as long as I care more than I should, I'll never be as good a girl as he thinks I can be. It's like that.

Y'all don't wanna fuck with us. CNN out for them pesos.
Y'all don't wanna bust with us. _____ better move when we say so.

You know, I'd rather be the softy posing as a hard ass than a bitch pretending she's sweetness. The former is a harmless fantasy, the latter a nasty misrepresentation.

I've bit off more than I can chew again as of late. I've got too much to do, I've got no ambition to get anything accomplished at all an it's all more than a little troubling.

Ho ho! K heard "If It Feels Good, Do It" on "Queer as Folk" the other night. That is my favorite show, but I don't have Showtime, so I'm now catching up by watching season one on DVD. This was in a newer episode, the one where Ted starts a porn site. Sloan and my gay boyfriends, together at last.

... say something, anything (0)