2003-11-14 | 1:25 p.m.
your good side isn't showing at all

Have any of you read Time Out NY this week? Because evidently this punkass I know named Brendan is all interviewed over his crappy restaurant and stuff. Ahahaah! No. I bet it's good there. I've never been. But he makes good food. I would like to point out that I didn't need to go to school to learn how to cook. But still, I am thrilled for his rousing success. And I should also point out that I am obnoxious for a reason. If I were just nice to the goof he'd get suspicious.

So yes, Chicken Bone gets all good reviews. Meanwhile, some critics are killing "Taboo" and others are liking it. Most of the killing-it ones keep harping on and on about Rosie O'Donnell. Heaven knows I'm no fan of hers, but what does that have to do with the show? Very little, if you ask me. Anyway, all critics are butts. Except for me, of course. And select associates.

Oh man, Caroline Brady is about to bite it on "Days of Our Lives." Ugh. Horrible.

Also, there's the matter of yesterday's magic "twist" on "Passions." Hmm. I'm not sure if it was awesome or completely retarded. The jury is still out. Thankfully, my jury is a jury of awesome one, not a jury full of morons who let killers off all the time and send innocent people to jail. Man, if I ever get accused of a crime, I'm just killing myself. Better that than dealing with this jacked-up system. They really should give me my own John Walsh-style show. I've some good crazy ideas. Psssh, they let lunatics like Pat Buchanan have shows. Make room for my crazy, people.

Greg the bartender makes me the most awesome sickly sweet girly drink. It has Malibu rum and pineapple juice and some grenadine and some other somethings. It's great. I had two yesterday and they were so good. But I don't know how I had eight of them on my birthday, because I basically went into sugarshock after two yesterday. Wednesday I had cider. Not yummy hot apple cider (I had that Tuesday), but alcohol cider. And I got drunk in like four seconds. Fabulous.

AND my ATM card came yesterday and a big fat check (that I was supposed to get on 10/31) came today. And tomorrow Dollie, Oscar and I will run around the neighborhood buying things and spreading joy. So, as soon as my cell phone charger arrives, my life is finally complete. And everyone is happy smiley forever. Amen.

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