2004-02-24 | 1:06PM
she wonders how she ever got here as she goes under again

Really, if I hear Whitney tell Eve, "You're nothing but a lying, two-timing whore" ONE MORE TIME, etc.

I have an Owen Wilson project to do for work today, which was, at first, a very exciting prospect. When I read the 3500 word interview and realized I had to cut it in half for publish, it changed to an impossible task. It's all gold, people. How do I cut it? Ugh. At least I got to read the whole thing, even though no one else can. And who better to pick Owen's best gems than Owen's most sanely obsessed fan? He was very good on the "Tonight Show" last night. Very very good. I can't believe I didn't see "The Big Bounce." Oh well.

Yes. So. I couldn't sleep last night because I made a genius choice to have a strong cup of coffee at midnight. I called in to the Super Millionaire phone line and I lost. I am bad at putting historical events in timeline order. Especially foreign historical events. Oh well. Still no big bucks for me.

The state rejected my tax return. I guess I better find out why.

Last night when I was busy not sleeping, I was thinking all sorts of thoughful thoughts, but now I forget them all. Genius.

Tonight on Queer Eye, they fix some guy who evidently lives very close by. I thought I was going to have a stroke when they showed them running by the Turkey's Nest. My apartment is much better than that guy's. Also, I am way cuter. And I think, although I only spent 45 seconds with them, that the Queer Eye guys liked me better. It's obvious. I win.

I read this piece yesterday that, at the end of a standard look at the oddness of a mall in Manhattan, just threw out there the idea that New Yorkers have become so especiallly obsessed with gourmet food and cooking as of late because it is a way of spending, of being luxuriant, of consuming that is very much in the now, doesn't leave the future to chance. You know, because we are, conscious or not, now aware of how tenuous tomorrow or the next day is.

That we're suddenly a city of foodies is just a small example of something that I think is true on many planes. I'm not sure why it took a review of the Time Warner mall to reveal that obvious fact to me, but now that it is out there, I can't stop thinking about it.

More than anything, it was nice to get some confirmation that, like me, a lot of people who are doing their best to keep on keeping on, have changed. I see what seems like everyone else getting past it, moving on and I wonder 'When does it stop? When will I feel like I did before?' and I'm pretty sure that the answer is that it doesn't, that I won't. The idea that I'm not the only one makes the answer easier to swallow.

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