2003-11-28 | 2:14 p.m.
pop the cork, say my goodbyes and everything will work out fine

My holiday stories are always so boring, unless there is some transportation-related fiasco. Yesterday we hit a lot of traffic and then got a little lost, but even that was very tame.

I'd imagine if one went through the post-Thanksgiving trash and saw all the empty wine, champagne, beer and liquor bottles, one would envision a wild day, full of wackiness and fighting and such. But no. We're boring. We all like each other, we all like to talk and laugh and eat. And drink. But there is rarely ever anything even approximating drama.

A shaker of cosmos ended up all over my aunt. She laughed and changed. More than one loud clatter shook the kitchen. No one screamed or cried. The secret? I'm thinking it is the drinking. While that sends some people into rage and bad times, we as a family respond very well to it. Which is why my ideal dream man is not only an orphan (the chance of meeting up with another normal family is just too low. I've heard all the horror stories), but a happy social drinker. Because if I were saddled with someone who equates alcohol with all manner of evil, it wouldn't last long. "Oh, have a cocktail and chill the fuck out, won't you?" That's what I'd say. I'm a self-medicator. Because who knows Jane better than Jane, eh? Not some doctor, that's for sure.

Speaking of wine, I must recant my pronouncement that wine without bubbles sucks. Much of it does, yes, but the other day I paid less than $6 for a great bottle of something delicious. Mmm! Although, it was rosy pink. So that might fall under the "everything pink is great" rule. But yes, with the wine, you don't have to have 4 glasses of it to feel a nice calming effect, unlike beer. Which then makes you so full and feeling bleh. And unlike liquor, it's already mixed! Genius. Wine, that's my new favorite thing. It could be worse.

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